Why Star Wars Sucks (Reason #421)

It’s Day 2 of my blog’s vacation. Here we go:

Last month, my son and I were talking about Star Wars. I started bagging on it and he said “but you loved Empire Strikes Back.” I corrected him by saying “No, I said it was better than the rest. That’s not love.”

Anyway…

Am I the only person who thinks this looks like a functionally retarded Muppet-reject?

I don’t have the love of Star Wars that every other geek appears to have. Sure, I loved it as a kid, but it hasn’t held up. I find light sabers to be goofy, Ewoks are stupid, and the acting was wooden before the prequels. But I get why kids love it. In fact, I really get why kids love it after reading this Geoff Geoff Boucher piece piece over at the LA Times. Here’s the money:

“We had an outline [for RotJ] and George changed everything in it,” Kurtz said. “Instead of bittersweet and poignant he wanted a euphoric ending with everybody happy. The original idea was that they would recover [the kidnapped] Han Solo in the early part of the story and that he would then die in the middle part of the film in a raid on an Imperial base. George then decided he didn’t want any of the principals killed. By that time there were really big toy sales and that was a reason.”

The discussed ending of the film that Kurtz favored presented the rebel forces in tatters, Leia grappling with her new duties as queen and Luke walking off alone “like Clint Eastwood in the spaghetti westerns,” as Kurtz put it.

Kurtz said that ending would have been a more emotionally nuanced finale to an epic adventure than the forest celebration of the Ewoks that essentially ended the trilogy with a teddy bear luau. (Boucher)

Emotional nuance? Bittersweet endings? Screw it, there’s toys to be sold!

Try this one

You can watch a far better version of Star Wars over at YouTube. The dialogue is far better.

I love making nerds cry.