Please Select the Correct Answer(s)

As a precondition for access to content at The Long Game, you are required to take the following ethics and sensitivity training course. Our apologies for omitting this requirement, as unforeseen administrative milestones took precedence.

For each of the following hypothetical situations, please select one or more appropriate choices. After you have completed this short sample battery, you will be sent, via U.S. mail, the additional 430 page survey. Completion of this course is not optional. Please post your answers in the comments below.

#1 : Sexual Harrassment

If your name isn't actually "sweetcakes", it may be sexual harassment.

Jill returns from a meeting and needs to find out the status of a financial report evaluation that was conducted by Arthur. After informing him that the evaluation is needed immediately, how should Arthur respond?

1. “Almost done, sweetcakes. Sit that pretty ass down and I’ll get these evals to you immediately.”
2. “I’d be happy to go over the evaluations. Why don’t you make yourself useful and check us in at the motel across the street. We only need an hour.”
3. “I am nearly completed with these evaluations. After which, I am happy to deliver them to you promptly, and in a completely non-threatening manner.”
4. “I’m not wearing pants.”

CORRECT ANSWER(S): 3. It is vital that we treat people civilly, demonstrate that we value their time, and refrain from sexual innuendo no matter how hard it hurts.

#2 : Violence in the Workplace

Don't let this happen to you. Call security and have the troublemaker beaten with clubs.

Recently, a few of the staff learned that Annie suffered through an ugly break-up. Others have learned that her ex-boyfriend is making threatening phone calls to her at work. After a very disturbing conversation wherein her ex- threatened to “deal with this, myself”, a few of the staff tossed around some ideas for dealing with this problem. Which are the most appropriate?

1. Kindly ask the ex-boyfriend to refrain from shouting so much when he’s talking to Annie as others are trying to work. They can’t think straight over the alternating sounds of shouting and sobbing.
2. Form a vigilante group and hunt the ex-boyfriend down. Later, string him up and set fire to his genitals.
3. Give Annie some voice-masking equipment so she can make threatening phone calls back to her ex-boyfriend. This way, she can freely threaten arson and increase her self confidence.
4. Inform Human Resources of what is happening. Ask that they inform security and/or hire The Equalizer.

CORRECT ANSWER(S): 4. It is vital that the appropriate channels are used when something of this nature occurs. In the mean time, 1 is useful if deadlines are looming.

#3 : Antisocial Behavior

Don't let antisocial behavior ruin your work environment. Consider body and face restraints.

Andrea returns from lunch to find her office-mate, Jim, in a curious state. His window is open, and a row of cinder-blocks is arranged on the sill. A filmy ball gag rests in a pool of spit on his desk blotter. Next to that is a blood soaked carving knife and a hacksaw. A slow trickle of blood is flowing from his desk’s mini-fridge. Andrea is concerned that this might be a sign of inappropriate behavior. What should she do?

1. Inform Jim that it is against company policy to install mini-friges at a desk.
2. Inform Jim that it is not appropriate to dismember the front office secretary, and then cut her into cubes and stored in his mini-fridge.
3. Gently inform Jim that the temporary staff are not to be stripped naked, gagged, and ritually hazed.
4. Politely request that Jim exercise proper attention to cleanliness and sop up the errant blood dotting his cubicle.
5. Tell Jim to be a little bit more careful when dropping cinder blocks out the window and on to the neighboring middle school playground.
6. Inform Human Resources that Jim is exhibiting broadly anti-social tendencies. Also be sure to inform HR that he mutilates live cats in the cubicle. The tortured feline screams and fountains of blood are somewhat distracting.

CORRECT ANSWER(S): 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, and 6. It is important to obey company rules and keep distractions to a minimum in order to be more sensitive to the needs of others in the office.

What Have We Learned?

We’ve learned that, if we work together, we can work harmoniously in large organizations. With the proper use of stale, boilerplate, hypothetical situations, we can effectively fix these problems. Additionally, we’ve learned that online ethical training courses are like a crash course in elementary comedy writing.